"...and your reward will be exceedingly great."- genesis 15:1
As you can see in the picture, I have taped this quote (thanks to a friend's instagram) next to my light switch so that every day/night when I turn my light on/off, I remember the Truth in those words. I don't know about you, but that quote in that picture has done a work on my pride. I'll tell you why later.
This past Sunday night at church, our pastor spoke about Abram. Before his name was changed, before he saw God's promise in his life, he still trusted God. He still had faith, because of one solid fact:
| he had God's word |
Our pastor also spoke about how just like Abram, our "reward is not a 'what' but a 'whom.'" And that's what hit me. All the things I do "for God" are sometimes, not for him because I somehow think that there is a reward that's better than what He gives. I think that human praise, what others think of me, how well/fast I can accomplish something, my degree, my gifts are better. And that is a lie from the enemy. A very cleaver lie, that it almost seems like truth....almost. Our pastor also talked about how we strive and strive for that "one thing" in our lives so that we can finally be satisfied. When he mentioned that, I immediately felt conviction. For me, honestly, right now, it's marriage.
The Lord really opened my eyes to see that I have been seeking a "what" and not a "Whom." Not just in the marriage category but in every category of my life. I have been seeking to please others and make sure they "like" me and to strive to be at the right place at the right time in hopes that "the one" will be there when God is simply asking me to be all there for Him. He is asking me to trade in my singular idea of a reward (marriage, praise, etc.) for an "exceedingly great" and eternal Reward. He isn't asking me to have the right feelings but to simply trust Him where He has placed me in this season. To trust, as that quote says, that He is working even when my feelings (which are wavering) make me think differently. You know why this hurts my pride? Because I think that I must do/or feel something in order to receive what God has for me. That is also a lie. It's not about me. I must surrender what I feel (or don't feel), what I have dreamed of, to an ever Faithful and all Sovereign God who has "...written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them" (Psalm 139:16b). To surrender all of what I fear the most and all that I hold on to to a God who doesn't ask me to feel a certain way about surrendering but commands me to give all I desire to Him because the reward is great. Because ultimately the reward isn't a spouse, it isn't a chance to buy my own home, it isn't a chance to make something of myself, but the reward is simply but at the same time, most exceedingly and abundantly great, and the reward is Jesus. Jesus. That's it? No, He's ALL. He's better, more able, more satisfying, more worthy of chasing after, He is more. We, just like Abram, have to step out (daily) of our fear and our "what we've dreamed of's" and into Faith. Faith that God is who He says He is and that He is in the business of giving us His best, even when we think we know what's "better." And despite what we feel, He is working. In the end, HE will be our sight, and He will be our Great Reward.
So we have God's Word that our reward will be great but my flesh asks, "Is that enough? or "What if it isn't what I planned?" But His Word reminds me, I never planned anything. He holds my lot, and He has placed the "boundary lines" (see Psalm 16) for my protection so that I may see that "indeed I have a beautiful inheritance."
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwell secure. for You will not abandon my soul
to Sheol, or let Your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in Your presence there is fullness of Joy;
at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:9-11
