If You Want Me To: When Suffering & Grace Meet

Then the Lord said,

“I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt

and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters.

I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them

out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land

 to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey…

Exodus 3:7-8 (ESV)

Suffering.

It isn’t something many of us would raise our hand and say, “Sign me up!” No, suffering, if we are all honest, is something we wish we could avoid at any point in our lives. Suffering means pain, unfamiliarity, being uncomfortable, or not getting an answer to the question, “Why?” In most cases, suffering doesn’t seem fair whether we’re the ones experiencing it or seeing someone else being dealt this unfortunate hand.

But with Christ, that’s where grace steps in.

Many of you know my mom recently passed away very unexpectantly. She was going in for a routine surgery (one she has had 4 times) but this time she never woke up. It feels like it has been an eternity, but I look at my calendar and realize it has only been 2 months. There are the typical “good and bad days” and some days that I honestly don’t know what to call them.

I remember crying out to God and begging Him to restore my mom’s health here on earth and to not take her from us. I remember telling Him, “If only you could see, if only you knew, God, how much glory you would receive if you would physically heal my mom here on earth and wake her up. You have no idea! If only…” There were and are many things I have said to God that I thought I couldn’t say. But He meets me with His grace. Grace to come to Him in my most honest and fearful moments and tell Him what’s on my heart, even if it isn’t nice. For example, I said (and sometimes still say) to Him that it wasn’t enough to know that she would be in a better place. I’ve learned in this season that honesty doesn’t scare God like it scares me. He isn’t caught off guard that I tell Him that I’m mad at Him. He isn’t thrown into disarray when I tell Him, that in the moment, I don’t believe that He is good. These are all the feelings that I have brought to God in the past 2 months and that I’m sure I will continue to bring to Him for a while.

 A friend of mine, who is recently experiencing a tough season with one of her parent’s health, reminded me that feelings aren’t truth. Just because I feel one way towards God one day and another the next, doesn’t speak of His character, but speaks of my deceitful heart. It is an ever-constant reminder that feelings aren’t truth. Feelings are fleeting. What truly lasts is the Truth I know of God.  I know that He sees, hears and knows my suffering apart from what I may feel. In the verse above, His word clearly states that He saw, heard and knew the Israelite’s suffering and groaning. And because I know that our Father never changes, He still sees, hears and knows my past, present and future suffering. His word tells us: “For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:14) The same “know” here is the same Greek word used in the verse mentioned above. The Greek for this is “yada`” which means, knowledge, perceive, acquaintance, to know by experience. Because Jesus walked in this same flesh (though free from sin), He experienced hunger, thirst, and even grief. Matthew Henry said,

Even the secret sorrows of God’s people are known to Him.

God is so familiar with our sorrow because He too experienced not only the loss of His union with His people (when Adam and Eve sinned) but with the death of His son, Jesus. So I know He knows. And because I know this Truth, my heart can be quiet and settled in the hard days.

           

I wonder on many occasions why my mom had to die at her age and during a time when I really need my mom the most. I cry when I think that she won’t be here for big moments in my life. These are all honest moments of grief and it’s okay. So if you’re reading this and you too are going through suffering/grief, bring these feelings, thoughts and quiet days where you honestly don’t know what to think or do, to a Father who doesn’t require you to have it all together, have a smile on your face because “you’re a Christian,” or to even like Him during your suffering or time of grief. Or if you're a friend or family member walking with someone going through grief, let them know it is okay to be not okay. Let them grieve in the way they need to (unless it is unhealthy). If you see they've had a hard day, maybe get them a "happy" to help brighten their day. If they don't want to talk, I have learned that silence is very healing in some ways. Embrace and share that silence with them. Ultimately pray for them and ask God to show you ways to love them in this season.
If we picture God as a terrifying, uncompassionate God, it is hard to take things so tender like the loss of a parent to Him. But if we remember that He is a compassionate Father (Psalm 86:15; Romans 8:14-16; Galatians 4:5-7), we know that He cares so intentionally for us in every moment of our suffering. We are loved, known, cared for, disciplined, by not just a God who is Almighty and Just but by a forever Faithful, Unwavering and Sovereign— even when it feels like everything is lost—Father. Whatever suffering looks like for you, entrust it to a Faithful God who walks with you through this season.

I have come to realize the true reality of life. I feel that it is cliché to say that but honestly I see how quickly our lives here on earth pass by. My mom was only 60. My cousin who passed way 10 years ago was only 24. We aren’t guaranteed a long and prosperous life here on earth but we are guaranteed an eternal life with Christ if we choose to let Him in our lives.

He [Satan] would rather us be faithlessly prosperous than afflicted and faithful. … Often it is in the taking away that our true love and trust are revealed, which is a great mercy to us and usually for others. And often, in this age, the most valuable, most satisfying, most beneficial, longest lasting gifts we receive and pass along to others end up coming through the experiences of our losses.

Jon Bloom, What God Gives When He Takes Away (Find the article here)

We aren’t guaranteed ultimate happiness when we trust Christ, or that bad things won’t happen, but we are ensured to a God who works all things together, safeguarded by a God who is a moment-by-moment sustainer. We are given a Father who gives only good gifts (Yes, even suffering is a gift even when it doesn’t seem like it) to His children. An Intercessor for days we can’t figure out how to get what’s in our heart/mind out into words.  With these truths in hand, I can live my life here for His glory. Even in my suffering I can cry and He can get glory. I can be upset and He can still get glory.  I can be honest and He can still get glory.

So I choose not to waste one ounce or moment of this season because nothing is wasted in His hands.

If You Want Me To

Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

No I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to You

Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When You lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through

And I will walk through the darkness if You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout

I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see, You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk through the valley if You want me to